Rob Skinner

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“Don’t ask God to do for you what he wants to do with you and through you.”

A story is told of a man who once prayed to God. He fell to his knees, shut his eyes, opened his heart and with his hands in the air, he prayed to God every single day for 50 years. Each time, he says the same prayer: “Please God, let me win the lottery”. Lo and behold, an angel goes to God one day and laments, saying, “My Lord, this man has prayed to you for the past 50 years, why don’t you let him win the lottery?” Can you guess what God said?  

The lord answered, I would love to, but he has never even bought a lottery ticket. 

Have you ever felt frustrated because you’ve prayed about something over and over again and God just doesn’t seem to answer it?  You are begging him, “God, please throw me a bone!” and he doesn’t seem to care.  Maybe you are asking God to do something for you that he wants to do through you or with you.

  • For your church to grow
  • For you to meet someone who becomes a Christian
  • For your family to become Christians
  • For you to get your next promotion
  • For you to find a great girlfriend/boyfriend
  • For you to go on the mission field
  • For you to find a better paying job with fewer hours
  • For you to lose weight
  • Anything that you’ve been asking God a long time to act on
  • Anything else?

When I became a Christian, I returned to my hometown for Christmas.  I spent time with my family who were not disciples of Jesus.  I went to the local church which was lifeless.  I thought, my family needs a fired-up church here to reach out to them.  I spent the next 18 years praying for my family.  Finally, I realized that maybe God wanted to plant that church with me and through me.  I resigned from my ministry position and moved my family of five to my hometown to plant a fired up church.  I had been praying to God to do for me what he wanted to do with me and through me.

Look what the Bible says in Judges 6:12:

6 Midian so impoverished the Israelites that they cried out to the Lord for help…  12 When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” 13 “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about when they said, ‘Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?’ But now the Lord has abandoned us and given us into the hand of Midian.” 14 The Lord turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?”

The Israelites prayed for help, for relief from the Midianites.  God answered them by calling a man to go in the strength he had.  Gideon complained about the lack of miracles.  God simply challenged him to go and then he’d see the miracles.  That’s when Gideon started to really backpedal.

So often in our lives we want the miracles to happen.  We complain that our lives, our churches, our ministries, our small groups, our jobs, our marriages or families, our finances aren’t what they used to be.  They aren’t what we want them to be.  They aren’t what others seem to have.  We pray that God will do for us what we want.  But we don’t realize that many times God won’t do for you what he wants to do with you and through you.

  • I prayed but nothing happened
  • I’ve been waiting on God
  • I’ve waited a long time for this to really take off
  • Circumstances and society has changed
  • Maybe God is saying no
  • I tried

Did you really try?  Maybe you’ve only completed step one:  pray to God.  Maybe you are shying away from step two:  act on faith to accomplish your faith goal.  That’s what leaders do, especially spiritual leaders.

Recently, I was praying through a list of things that I’ve prayed about for years.  There are about 8 things that I consider life goals that I pray about every day.  They have to do with my church, planting new churches, raising up new leaders, my family, saving souls, my finances, and my health and fitness.  As I prayed through my list that quote came into my mind, “Don’t ask God to do for you what he wants to do with you and through you.”  I realized that I had taken a very passive approach to some of my goals.  Yes, they were goals.  Yes, I wanted them to come true.  Yes, I prayed about them.  But what was I doing on a daily basis to move toward those goals?  Very little other than prayer.  I repented right there and then.

One long-term obvious goal was to get down to my long-term healthy weight.  My weight had gradually climbed over 200 to peak at 212 last Christmas.  I prayed about it, lost a little weight.  Then I thought, God isn’t going to do this for you, you need to do it with him.  I fasted seven days and lost 13 pounds.

  • Start a new ministry
  • Grow your ministry?
  • Baptize someone you work with or at your school?
  • Find a better job?
  • Get a promotion?
  • Lose weight?
  • Save money?
  • Get out of debt?
  • Overcome a sinful habit?

If you’ve prayed about it and nothing has happened, maybe you’re not the only one waiting.  Maybe God is waiting on you to take the next step, the step of faith and action that defines Biblical faith:

20 You foolish person, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless[d]? 21 Was not our father Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? 22 You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. 23 And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,”[e] and he was called God’s friend. 24 You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone…26 As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.  James 2

  • What are you consistently praying about? Write those prayer requests down.
  • What action are you taking on those prayer requests?
  • Write down three things you could do to move you toward the realization of your prayer?
  • Take action on one of those steps tomorrow.

mattis.

 

How to Crush It: Missionary Profile on Frank Kim

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

Sitting around our family table the other night, my kids started asking Pam and me about our experience in Japan. I told them that when Pam and I arrived in May of 1993 the church in Tokyo was about 200 members. When our family left 10 years later, there were over 1,000 members. The fact that this happened in Japan, considered by the Wall Street Journal as the “Mount Everest” of mission fields is a testimony to the power of God and to the leadership of Frank Kim. When I told my kids this, they wanted to know more about what I learned from Frank’s leadership. Here is how I described Frank to them:
Relentless
Frank’s focused intensity on saving souls on top of the underlying cultural commitment to hard work redefined for me what it takes to make a ministry grow. It started with his language learning. An early missionary described Japanese as “the Devil’s language” because of the difficulty of learning it and understanding it. Frank went to language school and within a year or two was leading Bible studies and preaching in Japanese. His relentless pursuit of the mission also showed up in a grueling schedule, sustained focus and patience to save people. The best way to describe it is Acts 5:42, “Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Messiah.” It takes about twice as much time and effort to help a Japanese person become a Christian. This is because they must first be taught that Jesus is a powerful historical character, not a fairy tale, that God really exists, and that Jesus is the divine Son of God. A visiting minister asked me during that time how I would describe Frank’s leadership style. Only one word came to mind: “Relentless.”
Christ-Centered
I don’t remember many lessons that Frank preached that didn’t center around Jesus. I can still see the faces of Japanese disciples and guests leaning forward and listening to him talk about Jesus. The sense of wonder and amazement on their faces always blew me away. I always felt like Japan was a spiritual wasteland. There were few churches or other traces of Christianity that we are accustomed to in many of our “Christianized” countries. Frank would preach and teach consistently to meet this spiritual hunger in both seekers, staff and disciples.

A Master Preacher

If you have ever heard the collective sigh of relief and happiness when a skilled pilot lands a plane smoothly after a turbulent flight, you have experienced what I call a “cushion landing.” Frank had that same skill when he preached. He would preach with power, authority and volume. He would cut, convict and challenge. Then in the last few minutes of the lesson, his voice would drop in volume, so low you had to lean forward to pick up every word. He would share some story about a person who had sacrificed, overcome or triumphed through the power of Christ. The room was quiet, tears would fall, and hearts would change. I don’t know how he always had the perfect story to share. I don’t know if he read Chicken Soup for the Soul before every sermon, but that guy had a way to preach to heart of his listeners.

In a country where there is less than one-half of one percent Christian affiliation, where a “large church” is 100 members, the fact that Frank led that church from a handful of members to one-thousand plus is unprecedented, amazing and inspiring. I told my kids that night I am grateful for my ten-year ministry apprenticeship under Frank’s leadership. I learned what it means to be relentless, Christ-Centered and how to preach to the heart.

  1. Work on yourself. It’s been said that you need to become the person that the person you are looking for is looking for.  What does that mean?  It means taking a hard look at your weaknesses and doing your best to grow past them.  What kind of weaknesses am I talking about?
    1. Lack of confidence.
    2. Self-absorption
    3. Talking too much and not asking good questions
    4. Worldliness and a lack of spiritual interest
    5. Being girl-crazy rather than mission-driven
      1. This person makes an idol out of women and forgets to worship Jesus and live for his mission
    6. Trying too hard
    7. Selfishness and “swinging for the fences”
      1. This guy has decided in his mind that he’ll know the right woman when she comes along and so makes no effort to be kind and considerate to women in general. He won’t go out on dates, speak kindly to women until his target lights up.  Suddenly, he transforms into a “dating master” and goes all out.  He comes across as a performer who can turn on or turn off the charm when he chooses.
    8. Being a skinflint. This is related to selfishness.  This person views dating only as a financial loss.  They think, “why waste money on women?”
    9. Arrogance and pride. This person knows it all already.  He doesn’t seek any help or advice in his dating life.  He resents any form of help or assistance when it comes to relationships.  The pride only increases the stronger his feelings for a person.  Like Frodo at the edge of Mount Doom, he can’t surrender the ring or listen to Sam’s pleading to get rid of it. He started out as a servant of mankind and ended up as a slave of the ring.  Our fear of losing a relationship keeps us away from helpful advice until God rips it out of our hands.
    10. If you are part of the 70% of men who are looking at porn in any given year, you are going to reap the consequences of impurity.  Namely, lack of confidence, guilt, shame, lack of strength, self-doubt, lack of confidence in God’s calling, election and grace.  You will feel like less of a man.
  2. Keep first things first
    1. Be clear about what and who you worship
    2. Keep building your relationship with Christ
    3. Seek help and stay connected to trusted advisors
    4. View dating as a skill that improves with practice
  3. Take a hard look at yourself
    1. You will end up with a person who is like you.
    2. Be realistic about who you are.
    3. Work on your appearance
      1. Lose weight
      2. Get in shape
  • Improve your hygiene
  1. Clean your room
  2. Clean your toilet
  3. Clean your car
  • Keep your clothes clean, hung up and nice smelling
  • Spend money on yourself and get new clothes
  1. Get a good haircut
  2. Don’t blame the sisters if they can’t see how awesome you are when you aren’t doing anything to improve yourself and your appearance.
  1. Develop your skills
    1. Have hobbies
    2. Keep adding skills to your life
  • Keep growing so that you can provide support for the woman you want.
  1. Go back to school
  1. Go old school
    1. Old fashion habits of male chivalry have fallen by the wayside. What that means is you have an opportunity to distinguish yourself by doing what no one else is currently doing.  You can stand out from the crowd by:
      1. Open doors for women
        1. In restaurants
        2. In cars
      2. Offer a compliment
  • Walk on the traffic side of the street
  1. Let her know what the plan is in advance
  2. Text to confirm what you are going to be doing
  3. Come up with a plan and execute it. Don’t put pressure on her to come up with a plan for your date.
  1. Living as a Dreamboat Husband
    1. Encouraging words
      1. You look like a million bucks
      2. You are sexy
  • You look great
  1. You are a great cook
  2. You did it again!
  3. You are a great speaker
  • You are a great friend
  • You can do it
  1. You have what it takes
  2. I’m so lucky to have you
  3. You keep an amazing house
  1. Don’t argue
  2. Apologize quickly
  3. Deal with your anger immediately
  4. Serving
  5. Surprise and delight
  6. Keep yourself in shape
  7. Live for Christ, not your wife or kids
  8. Keep growing and changing
  9. Take vacations
  10. Develop hobbies together
  11. Get outside the house
  12. Take care of your house, keep it clean and make it great
  13. Turn off the TV and turn on the romance
  14. Get rid of the addictions

Take this post it note pad and write one thing you appreciate about your wife or girlfriend on it every day and post it where she will see it. Do it for at least a week or even a month.

Kelli Peterson (Not her real name) dumped me at the Nevada County Fair in August of 1983.  No amount of begging, pleading, promising to change would change her mind.  She was done with me.  She replaced me with a guy by the name of Paul Eagle.  Paul was cool, kind, had his own car and he had the coolest name in our high school.  They sat together the rest of our senior year in high school in civics class.  I would spy them making out by his locker and looking incredibly happy.  I was miserable.  I went through several rebound relationships but couldn’t recover from that humiliation for a couple of years.  It made me think, what does it take to win the person you really want.

Luckily, I landed the woman of my dreams five years later, when Pam Wilkinson flew into town from Cairo, Egypt.  Pretty, sophisticated, funny and spiritual, she was immediately on the top ten list for every single brother in the church I was interning for in San Francisco.  Whenever church ended, she was surrounded by smiling admirers in their mid-twenties.  Some of my closest friends were crazy for her.  How was I going to win her over?  I had learned a few things from my relational beat-downs.  Over the next year we got to know each other, started dating and got married.  Now we’ve been married for thirty-three happy years.  We’ve lived overseas together for ten years, planted churches, gone through highs and lows and we are still incredibly happy together. 

  1. Work on yourself. It’s been said that you need to become the person that the person you are looking for is looking for.  What does that mean?  It means taking a hard look at your weaknesses and doing your best to grow past them.  What kind of weaknesses am I talking about?
    1. Lack of confidence.
    2. Self-absorption
    3. Talking too much and not asking good questions
    4. Worldliness and a lack of spiritual interest
    5. Being girl-crazy rather than mission-driven
      1. This person makes an idol out of women and forgets to worship Jesus and live for his mission
    6. Trying too hard
    7. Selfishness and “swinging for the fences”
      1. This guy has decided in his mind that he’ll know the right woman when she comes along and so makes no effort to be kind and considerate to women in general. He won’t go out on dates, speak kindly to women until his target lights up.  Suddenly, he transforms into a “dating master” and goes all out.  He comes across as a performer who can turn on or turn off the charm when he chooses.
    8. Being a skinflint. This is related to selfishness.  This person views dating only as a financial loss.  They think, “why waste money on women?”
    9. Arrogance and pride. This person knows it all already.  He doesn’t seek any help or advice in his dating life.  He resents any form of help or assistance when it comes to relationships.  The pride only increases the stronger his feelings for a person.  Like Frodo at the edge of Mount Doom, he can’t surrender the ring or listen to Sam’s pleading to get rid of it. He started out as a servant of mankind and ended up as a slave of the ring.  Our fear of losing a relationship keeps us away from helpful advice until God rips it out of our hands.
    10. If you are part of the 70% of men who are looking at porn in any given year, you are going to reap the consequences of impurity.  Namely, lack of confidence, guilt, shame, lack of strength, self-doubt, lack of confidence in God’s calling, election and grace.  You will feel like less of a man.
  2. Keep first things first
    1. Be clear about what and who you worship
    2. Keep building your relationship with Christ
    3. Seek help and stay connected to trusted advisors
    4. View dating as a skill that improves with practice
  3. Take a hard look at yourself
    1. You will end up with a person who is like you.
    2. Be realistic about who you are.
    3. Work on your appearance
      1. Lose weight
      2. Get in shape
  • Improve your hygiene
  1. Clean your room
  2. Clean your toilet
  3. Clean your car
  • Keep your clothes clean, hung up and nice smelling
  • Spend money on yourself and get new clothes
  1. Get a good haircut
  2. Don’t blame the sisters if they can’t see how awesome you are when you aren’t doing anything to improve yourself and your appearance.
  1. Develop your skills
    1. Have hobbies
    2. Keep adding skills to your life
  • Keep growing so that you can provide support for the woman you want.
  1. Go back to school
  1. Go old school
    1. Old fashion habits of male chivalry have fallen by the wayside. What that means is you have an opportunity to distinguish yourself by doing what no one else is currently doing.  You can stand out from the crowd by:
      1. Open doors for women
        1. In restaurants
        2. In cars
      2. Offer a compliment
  • Walk on the traffic side of the street
  1. Let her know what the plan is in advance
  2. Text to confirm what you are going to be doing
  3. Come up with a plan and execute it. Don’t put pressure on her to come up with a plan for your date.
  1. Living as a Dreamboat Husband
    1. Encouraging words
      1. You look like a million bucks
      2. You are sexy
  • You look great
  1. You are a great cook
  2. You did it again!
  3. You are a great speaker
  • You are a great friend
  • You can do it
  1. You have what it takes
  2. I’m so lucky to have you
  3. You keep an amazing house
  4. Don’t argue
  5. Apologize quickly
  6. Deal with your anger immediately
  7. Serving
  8. Surprise and delight
  9. Keep yourself in shape
  10. Live for Christ, not your wife or kids
  11. Keep growing and changing
  12. Take vacations
  13. Develop hobbies together
  14. Get outside the house
  15. Take care of your house, keep it clean and make it great
  16. Turn off the TV and turn on the romance
  17. Get rid of the addictions

Take this post it note pad and write one thing you appreciate about your wife or girlfriend on it every day and post it where she will see it. Do it for at least a week or even a month.

How to Be a Spiritual Casanova

Valentines Day, 2024

Kelli Peterson (Not her real name) dumped me at the Nevada County Fair in August of 1983.  No amount of begging, pleading, promising to change would change her mind.  She was done with me.  She replaced me with a guy by the name of Paul Eagle.  Paul was cool, kind, had his own car and he had the coolest name in our high school.  They sat together the rest of our senior year in high school in civics class.  I would spy them making out by his locker and looking incredibly happy.  I was miserable.  I went through several rebound relationships but couldn’t recover from that humiliation for a couple of years.  It made me think, what does it take to win the person you really want.

Luckily, I landed the woman of my dreams five years later, when Pam Wilkinson flew into town from Cairo, Egypt.  Pretty, sophisticated, funny and spiritual, she was immediately on the top ten list for every single brother in the church I was interning for in San Francisco.  Whenever church ended, she was surrounded by smiling admirers in their mid-twenties.  Some of my closest friends were crazy for her.  How was I going to win her over?  I had learned a few things from my relational beat-downs.  Over the next year we got to know each other, started dating and got married.  Now we’ve been married for thirty-three happy years.  We’ve lived overseas together for ten years, planted churches, gone through highs and lows and we are still incredibly happy together. 

I’d like to share with you today how to attract, win and build a lasting relationship with the woman of your dreams. You may not feel like a Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt or even a Casanova, but luckily relational skills are learnable and you can become incredibly attractive to the right person for you. 

Here’s how: