I prefer this over simply Seeking Advice Is Not Enough because the second half tells both readers and search engines what they’ll actually learn.
A more curiosity-driven alternative would be:
Are You Seeking Advice—or Just Looking for Approval?
But I think Seeking Advice Is Not Enough: How to Make Better Decisions is better for RobSkinner.com.
Here is how I’d prepare it for the website:
Seeking Advice Is Not Enough: How to Make Better Decisions
I’m reading through the Bible this year, and last week I came to 1 Kings 12—the story of Rehoboam and Jeroboam.
Something jumped out at me that I hadn’t noticed quite as clearly before:
Both men sought advice. And both men made terrible decisions.
That got my attention because I’m a big believer in seeking advice.
Proverbs 20:18 says:
“Plans are established by seeking advice; so if you wage war, obtain guidance.”
Proverbs repeatedly makes the same point:
“For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers.”
— Proverbs 11:14
And:
“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
— Proverbs 15:22
Interestingly, these proverbs came from Solomon—the father of Rehoboam.
Rehoboam knew he should seek advice.
His problem wasn’t that he failed to ask.
His problem was which advice he chose to follow.
🎥 WATCH: Are You Seeking Advice—or Just Approval?
Watch on YouTube → You Got Advice—So Why Was It Still a Bad Decision?
In this episode of the Rob Skinner Podcast, I unpack the story of Rehoboam and Jeroboam and share five principles that can help you make wiser decisions.
Rehoboam: When Advice Tells You What You Want to Hear
Rehoboam had just become king. The people approached him with a reasonable request. His father Solomon had placed a heavy burden on them, and they asked the new king to lighten the load.
Rehoboam first consulted the elders who had served his father.
Their advice was remarkable:
“If today you will be a servant to these people and serve them…they will always be your servants.”
— 1 Kings 12:7
In other words:
Lead by serving.
Rehoboam didn’t like that answer.
So he went to the young men he had grown up with. They told him essentially the opposite:
Don’t lighten the load. Increase it. Show everyone who’s in charge.
One group appealed to humility.
The other appealed to pride.
One called him to serve.
The other told him to flex.
And Rehoboam chose the advice that appealed to his sinful nature.
The result was catastrophic. Ten tribes rejected him, and the kingdom was torn apart.
Proverbs 14:12 says:
“There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.”
Here’s the uncomfortable lesson:
You can seek advice and still be determined to get your own way.
Sometimes we aren’t really seeking advice.
We’re seeking permission.
We’ve already decided what we want to do, and now we’re shopping around for someone who will tell us it’s a good idea.
I’ve occasionally asked someone how they arrived at a questionable decision and heard:
“I got advice.”
Okay.
But from whom?
What other advice did you receive?
Was there advice you didn’t like?
Were you looking for God’s direction—or support for the direction you’d already chosen?
Jeroboam: When Advice Helps You Execute a Bad Decision
Then comes Jeroboam.
His situation was different, but the problem was similar.
God had given Jeroboam an extraordinary promise. If he would walk faithfully with God, God promised to establish his kingdom.
But Jeroboam became afraid.
He worried that if the people continued traveling to Jerusalem to worship, their loyalty would eventually return to Rehoboam.
So instead of trusting God’s promise, Jeroboam trusted political strategy.
And then he sought advice.
“After seeking advice, the king made two golden calves.”
— 1 Kings 12:28
Notice the order.
Jeroboam’s heart had already moved away from trusting God. The advice simply helped him figure out how to execute the plan.
His strategy was actually brilliant from a worldly perspective.
He offered the people convenience:
“It is too much for you to go up to Jerusalem.”
He gave them something visible.
Something familiar.
Something easy.
Two golden calves.
And it worked.
That’s the frightening part.
Bad advice can be incredibly effective.
Jeroboam built a religious system that accomplished his political objective—and spiritually poisoned Israel for generations. Again and again, future kings would be described as walking in “the sins of Jeroboam.”
A successful strategy isn’t necessarily a godly strategy.
You can get the promotion and still be going in the wrong direction.
You can make more money and still be going in the wrong direction.
You can achieve the goal and still be moving away from God.
Effectiveness and faithfulness are not the same thing.
Your Heart Has a Vote
This is why decision-making is so difficult.
Jeremiah 17:9 says:
“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”
My heart doesn’t always tell me the truth.
Neither does yours.
We tend to prefer advice that confirms what we already want.
And that matters because the quality of your decisions will largely determine the quality and direction of your life.
Who you marry.
Where you live.
The work you choose.
The friends you surround yourself with.
How you spend your money.
What habits you cultivate.
Whether you obey God when obedience costs you something.
These decisions accumulate over decades.
So how can we make better ones?
Five Principles I’m Trying to Practice
1. Seek Advice
Get comfortable saying:
“I don’t know. What do you think?”
You don’t have to follow every piece of advice you receive. But the willingness to seek input is itself an expression of humility.
2. Ask More Than One Person
Rehoboam actually did this part correctly. He heard competing perspectives.
Don’t build an echo chamber around yourself.
If every person you ask already thinks exactly like you do, you may not really be seeking perspective.
3. Ask People Whose Lives You Want to Imitate
Before asking someone what you should do, look at the fruit of that person’s life.
Do I respect this person’s marriage?
Character?
Faith?
Relationships?
Financial choices?
Walk with God?
Advice isn’t separated from the adviser.
4. When Two Choices Are Both Good, Ask Which One Will Help You Become More Like Christ
In 2012, Pam and I faced a major decision.
I was leading a church in Oregon when we were asked to move to Tucson, Arizona, to plant a church.
Both choices were good.
Staying in Oregon offered opportunities—including the possibility of making significant money as the real estate market recovered.
Going to Tucson meant starting again.
We prayed.
We agonized.
We sought a lot of advice.
Ultimately, we chose Tucson.
Why?
Because when I peeled everything back, going gave us more opportunity to invest our lives in what we considered our highest calling.
And it demanded more of us spiritually.
I had to confront something in myself:
Was I choosing based on my desire to grow—or my desire to accumulate?
Sometimes when two doors are good, I ask:
Which door requires more faith?
Which choice will stretch my character?
Which one will help me become more like Jesus?
5. Don’t Be Embarrassed to Change Your Mind
Maybe you already made the wrong decision.
Maybe you ignored good advice.
Maybe you followed the voices that told you what you wanted to hear.
Change course.
Humility isn’t never making a bad decision. Humility is being willing to admit one.
Wisdom or Validation?
Rehoboam and Jeroboam remind me that seeking advice isn’t enough.
The real question is what I’m looking for when I ask.
Am I seeking wisdom—or validation?
Am I looking for God’s direction—or someone to bless the direction I’ve already chosen?
The next time you’re facing an important decision, seek advice.
Seek plenty of it.
But then ask yourself one more question:
Which path is calling me toward greater faith, humility, obedience, and Christlikeness?
That may be the advice you least want to hear.
And it may be exactly the advice you need.
Grateful to walk this journey with you,
Rob
